noun
1.
a person who produces works in any of the arts that are primarilysubject to aesthetic criteria.
2.
a person who practices one of the fine arts, especially a painter orsculptor.
3.
a person whose trade or profession requires a knowledge of design,drawing, painting, etc.:
a commercial artist.
4.
a person who works in one of the performing arts, as an actor,musician, or singer; a public performer:
a mime artist; an artist of the dance.
5.
a person whose work exhibits exceptional skill.
6.
a person who is expert at trickery or deceit:
He's an artist with cards.
7.
Obsolete. an artisan.

Perfectionism

Unlearning that curse is still a work in progress.

I used to tell myself that there was a point.. it was aiming higher, struggling for more, higher standards, this, that and whatever.  Hindsight says "perfectionism" is just another version of standing in my own way..  It stops me from speaking, or taking a risk.. and risks are learning.

Each assignment starts with two beginnings.  57+ ideas clamoring for attention, and this frozen state of facing that blank sheet of paper, fear of moving forward.  Knowing this about myself, I try to start early.  It's my single hope against drowning, but even that doesn't unfreeze me.  So I'll weave myself a little fairy tale, that there is no risk, that I can try, and it doesn't matter that much.. it's not vulnerable; it's not self representational.  I'll let the materials have their say.. .. and then.  IF.   If I get something done, that's at least alright.. then I can play.  Move forward.   I'm free.

That's when risk is possible, and that's also when the fun starts... because then it's play.  Let's play with paint.. I've hardly worked in paint.. let's try.

The first 18 years of my life, I only drew with a #2 pencil.. and I didn't even know there was anything else.  And Prang watercolors, the little elementary school sets, and with that background was voted "most artistic" senior year.. was dumbfounded by that.. but it became a comfort, over the past years though.. since making is the most foundational element of my life.

Was also a complete math geek, competitions and all..(remember I've only had a #2 drawing pencil background) and then I had Tony's class... 6A back then.. I didn't know what an elevation was.. had never drawn in ink.. shading in ink left me at a complete loss.  And I learned.  When I was working in J. Slusky's class in charcoals and chalks.. he'd stop the class and talk about my drawings.. progress matters so much more than perfectionism.

I spent a lot of time, over a decade, working in clay, because it seemed hard.. I was baffled by 3 dimensional making.. and because it seemed hard, it was more mysterious and interesting.  Each clay has its own personality.. my best friend was Soldate 60.. and I've longed for a relationship with porcelain.. we'll see where that ends up in another 10 years :)

Textiles was another long term endeavor.  Materials exploration seems to be an interest.. both in clay, and in textiles.  Playing.. Back to a belief in play.. which seems the opposite of perfectionism.. .. playing with temperatures.. knowing the specific personalities of each dye as if they were close friends.. and still surprised by outcomes.. (Raku, one of my favorite firing methods, is also surprise oriented)

Now, after years of this and that.. 2 dimensions seems challenging again.... in that it seems difficult...
but that's enough for tonight.. more another time

Beauty

for the moment, my  thought is that beauty is emotional and vulnerable... and truthful...

When I draw, or make, or w/e it is I do.. aiming for some kind of truth.. letting a material express itself, seems a basic fundamental goal... "manipulated" is not the point... so many reasons now, at this point in life... that this has become meaningful..

Beauty, truth.. blanking atm, but I think that's Keats...

Edged

Touch